The past five months have been so stressful yet so educational. And not in the ‘book form” way. But in the lessons of life way. As I was deciding what and how to write this blog, I fell asleep. I had an unbelievable dream or vision or whatever one wants to call what the crazy mind does while you are in a trance state. And of course there is no explaining my mind. However, the things that came to me were so amazing. I have been very sad for all the things that have happened to our family. I have dealt with them one by one and tried to help each person that the situation directly had an impact on. Inviting people over, taking them to lunch, phone conversations, and moving my youngest son in with us. My dream was me going around telling people it was OK to grieve and cry and get pissed off. Not that anyone would listen to me but I was trying to take their pain away from them. When I woke up, Bill was bringing in the mail. There was a letter from our church. They are putting in a Memorial Garden. (What a wonderful idea. I have seen them before and it really helps the family decide what to do with a loved ones ashes or a place to put a Memorial for them). In the letter was a couple of papers on Grieving. Can this be? I was just dreaming about this. It was letting everyone know that it was OK to grieve. How you grieve is your way of getting through it…not someone else’s. You do what you have to do to get through it. Talk to pictures, go for walks, visit the people who make you comfortable, but most of all don’t lose those special memories that you have in your heart. No one can take those away from you. God wants you to be happy. Getting back to being happy comes with work. Mental work. I was on a trip to Navasota with Bill and my son Dusty on Saturday. We were looking for property to buy. We met one of the local preachers who just happen to be a real-estate agent in that area. We found the most beautiful piece of property with his help. It is peaceful, on an old country road with beautiful rolling hills. I looked at the sky and thought to myself..God please give me a sign. The cutest hound dog walked up to me from the ranch across the street, waging his tail, greeting the three of us like …welcome to the hood! I knew then and Dusty looked at me and said…”mom, this is it”. Bill was in agreement. Wow! A new start for Dusty. That was my goal in getting him to go with us. Keep Michele’s memories but move on like she would want you to.
Life in the fast lane seems to be my lifestyle. I go from one project to another at a pretty rapid pace. I am having my foot surgery on Wednesday morning…out patient, and Bill is my driver. Thank goodness I will be heavily sedated and will not witness the drive home. Dr. Parker’s office called today and has sent my meds into the pharmacy. Pain pills, anti-inflammatory, and antibiotics. I will make sure they are all taken before I crawl in the Jeep. Not to mention a blindfold. Have a follow up with Dr. Parker on Friday..and it’s my right foot so Bill will be driving again. You know this is why I have put it off so long. Then this weekend we are having family over for Memorial Day. Sunday seems to be the day of choice…so it’s BBQ on Sunday. It will be simple since I can’t move around but my chaise lounge is real close to the bar. Dusty is in charge of the grill so all is good. Pain killers and Merlot….should recover very quickly.
Hope everyone has a great Memorial Day weekend. Be safe and pray for me. Not about the surgery but about the drive home ordeal.
Hugs!
Ride,Baby,Ride!
Leilani
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